Chupacabras, bordellos and other things to think about

I compiled a few particularly interesting scribbles from the four pocket notebooks I filled while working as a small animal assistant at a busy two doctor practice. While mostly communication logs, exam notes, check-lists and reminders, there was an occasional scribble that caught my attention.

Not to poke fun at clients, or cast a negative shadow on techs, not to point fingers….but just to share. Some made me chuckle, and others brought about a bit more reflection on the underlying issue at hand.


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“Vaccination appointment – client requests bordello vaccine.”

“Wellness exam – 7 year old NM lab. Wellness bloodwork recommended to establish baseline and assess organ function. Client asked ‘if something was wrong with the orgasm, wouldn’t there be signs?’”  More awkward than being caught off-guard, was the moment the client realized what they said.

“3 year old SP cockerspaniel. Strange mass in gluteal region. Diagnosed cutarebra and informed client. When client asked ‘tell me more about this chupacabra,’ Dr explained a chupacabra is a mythical blood-sucking beast from South America. Owner interrupts, how ithis chupracabra ended up to Oregon.’

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“Boarding facility requests bordello records for patient.”

“Client requests second distemper vaccine (previous distemper given three months prior), because the first one didn’t work. Patient still misbehaving at home.’

“Euthansia of 3 yr old emaciated intact male, hx of seizures, ADR. Financial concerns, diagnostics and treatment not  an option.. Client hostile and goes to get purse from car. Doesn’t return Client calls siix hours later to ask if patient made it to heaven. Tech says i don’t know but he made it to the cooler just fine.”

“Client brings “Bug” found on family dog. Diagnosed human louse,”

“5 month old F Kitten- wellness exam and schedule spay. Client declines spay, requests neuter because the surgery is less expensive.”

“Anonymous caller asks if people are cremated at the same facilities as animals. Would cremation facility take an enimal’s remains that was buried 3 years ago. If the remains are submitted in plastic bin, will the cremation facility look inside the bin? Can a request be made to not have the bin opened?”