Thieves Among Us

Thievery has been on the rise at the school. Usually limited to the confines of the student lounge, now items are vanishing left and right on various rotations and in tech offices. Thievery is not to be confused with unofficial “borrowing”…which goes on all the time in the vet school. Several months ago, someone unofficially “borrowed” my stethoscope and I haven’t seen it since…though I have heard mention of other people finding it, temporarily using it, only to find it escaped them as well.

Stethoscopes, thermometers and nice pens are most often unofficially borrowed, and they usually find their way back to owner by direct or indirect means. The contents of the refrigerator in the student lounge, on the other hand, are the major targets of thievery. It was a Bermuda Triangle of appliance proportion for a while, before people either got caught or admitted to helping themselves to a little fridge five-finger discount.

The frequent fridge burglary, itself, isn’t the most amusing part. It sounds extremely frustrating considering some of my classmates make lunches comparable to a five course meal. To me, these lunches look like too much work for such a short-term investment. I’d rather sleep in than cook…any day. This is probably why my meager lunch has never been stolen. The real entertainment centers around the mini melodrama series of e-mails that get distributed to the entire class after someone discovers their lunch, beverage or other various items stolen. I was reminded of this when I saw the following:


Seeing this made me laugh, and inspired me to search through the 2200 emails I have bogging down the vetmed server. I searched and found almost 300 e-mails with subjects pertaining to lost, stolen or unofficially borrowed goods.

I picked some of the best headlines and quotes from amongst these e-mails:

“To the person who stole my yogurt…”

“MISSING: Unopened 16 oz Pepsi last seen in student lounge fridge.”

“Dear classmate who stole my ENTIRE lunch.”

“There be thieves among us!!!”

“Hair brush bandit- You make me wish I had lice.”

“If you see another Amber Smith running around the hospital, please let me know. That is the only sensible explanation as to why my sandwich, clearly labeled ‘AMBER SMITH,’ has disappeared.”

“You stole my thermometer, but thank you for being so kind as to leave the empty case behind.”

“Obviously we have a thief here, in the student lounge, he/she is snatching up your pens and highlighters. So you better hide your pens, hide your highlighters.”

“If I had known your level of desperation, I would’ve given you an entire sandwich so that you didn’t have to eat my half-eaten one.”

“Whoever took my chicken avocado soup- I spit in it this morning.”

The drama, sense of betrayal and obvious vulnerability behind these e-mails pales in comparison to when someone would “take” someone else’s seat in the lecture hall.  But, I’ll continue to make my mediocre lunches and enjoy the comfort of knowing my lunch will never be among the missing.